Bazzil's Joke Thread

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BAZZIL
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Bazzil's Joke Thread

Post by BAZZIL » Thu Feb 03, 2005 12:27 am

After The high blood pressures from The nascar race, it's time for a laugh :D
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Eagle32
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Post by Eagle32 » Thu Feb 03, 2005 12:41 am

Good idea.
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Cop: Are you OK?
Randolph: I don't know. I'm kinda ****ed up in general, so it's hard to gauge.
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Biteme
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Post by Biteme » Thu Feb 03, 2005 6:35 pm

:eek: IS THAT bAZZIL WITH THE DOG???
Why does KSR suck at FPS?

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odonohuesp
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Post by odonohuesp » Thu Feb 03, 2005 6:56 pm

I thought Bazz was the dog. :D
Odie


Image

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BAZZIL
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Post by BAZZIL » Fri Feb 04, 2005 12:27 am

sad sacks :p

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Inspector
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Post by Inspector » Fri Feb 11, 2005 5:53 pm

Sigh........

Right click, Save Target As.....
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Post by Inspector » Fri Feb 18, 2005 2:31 pm

This is really funny for those of us that work at Massey and have to put up with the MAC fanatic brigade that post links to their favourite sites in our mailing lists with regular monotony.
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Biteme
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Post by Biteme » Thu Feb 24, 2005 10:59 pm

Heard the DuDs queued all night for this release. ;)
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Why does KSR suck at FPS?

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Prometheus
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Post by Prometheus » Fri Feb 25, 2005 9:45 am

Here we go, here we go, here we go.
Here we go, here we go, here we goooooo.
Here we go, here we go, here we go.
Here we go, here we go, here we go!
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bman
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Post by bman » Thu Mar 03, 2005 7:45 am

Ripped from hardocp - thought Inspector might find some of the pics amusing =]

http://unix.rulez.org/~calver/pictures/ ... index.html

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Post by Inspector » Thu Mar 03, 2005 9:02 am

Brilliant bman, thanks for that. That started my day off very nicely :)
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BAZZIL
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Post by BAZZIL » Thu Mar 03, 2005 1:02 pm

Yes inspector is most familiar with problems like that :P
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Post by Guest » Thu Mar 03, 2005 1:16 pm

heh i still like the one about the women who rang the helpdesk to say her new pc wouldnt boot, in fact nothing was working at all on th pc.

after a while the helpdesk tech asked the women to check if the power cord was plugged in, she replied, she couldnt see, because it was to dark in the room.

the bemused tech asked her if it was possible for her to turn the light on in the room, and fell off his chair when she replied she was unable to because they had a power cut at the time.

he suggested she pack the pc back into it's box and returnit to the store she brought it from for full credit.

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Post by Inspector » Thu Mar 03, 2005 3:06 pm

This one looks really good on our server room door.
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Snake Rogers
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Post by Snake Rogers » Fri Mar 04, 2005 10:02 am

pic's
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Wah Wah Wah

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Snake Rogers
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Post by Snake Rogers » Fri Mar 04, 2005 3:34 pm

O_o
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Wah Wah Wah

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Trooper
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Post by Trooper » Fri Mar 11, 2005 4:23 pm

And the award for man of the year goes to the Irish!!! :D
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"To do something well is so worthwhile that to die trying to do it better cannot be foolhardy. It would be a waste of life to do nothing with one's ability, for I feel that life is measured in achievement, not in years alone."
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Post by Trooper » Fri Mar 11, 2005 4:26 pm

Serbia comes in at second place!!! :D
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"To do something well is so worthwhile that to die trying to do it better cannot be foolhardy. It would be a waste of life to do nothing with one's ability, for I feel that life is measured in achievement, not in years alone."
- Bruce McLaren

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Post by Trooper » Fri Mar 11, 2005 4:27 pm

and albania comes a distant third with their system of wood management :D
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"To do something well is so worthwhile that to die trying to do it better cannot be foolhardy. It would be a waste of life to do nothing with one's ability, for I feel that life is measured in achievement, not in years alone."
- Bruce McLaren

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Post by Inspector » Mon Mar 14, 2005 2:23 pm

The Burned Out Gynecologist



A gynecologist had become fed up with malpractice insurance and was on the verge of being burned out. Hoping to try another career where skillful hands would be beneficial, he decided to change careers and became an auto mechanic.


He found out from the local technical college what was involved, signed up for evening classes, attended diligently and learned all he could. When the time for the practical exam approached, the gynecologist prepared carefully for weeks, and completed the exam with tremendous skill.


When the results came back, he was surprised to find that he had obtained a score of 150%. Fearing an error, he called the instructor saying, "I don't want to appear ungrateful for such an outstanding result, but I wondered if there has been an error that needs adjusting?"


The instructor said, "During the exam, you took the engine apart perfectly, which was worth 50% of the total mark. You put the engine back together again perfectly which is also worth 50% of the mark."


The instructor went on to say, "I gave you an extra 50% because you did all of it through the muffler."

:cute:
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Post by Inspector » Tue Mar 22, 2005 2:34 pm

Important Questions!!



Why do we press harder on a remote control when we know the
batteries are flat?


Why do banks charge a fee on "insufficient funds" when they know
there is not enough money?


Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion
stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?


Why doesn't glue stick to the bottle?


Why do they use sterilised needles for death by lethal injection?


Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard?


Why does Superman stop bullets with his chest, but ducks when you
throw a revolver at him?


Why do Kamikaze pilots wear helmets?


Whose idea was it to put an "S" in the word "lisp"?


What is the speed of darkness?


Are there specially reserved parking spaces for able people at the
Special Olympics?


If you send someone 'Styrofoam', how do you pack it?


If the temperature is zero outside today and it's going to be twice
as cold tomorrow, how cold will it be?


If people evolved from apes, why are there still apes?


If it's true that we are here to help others, what are the others
doing here?


Do married people live longer than single ones or does it only seem
longer?


If someone with a split personality threatens to commit suicide, is
it a hostage situation?


Can you cry under water?


What level of importance must a person have, before they are
considered assassinated instead of just murdered?


If money doesn't grow on trees then why do banks have branches?


Why does a round pizza come in a square box?


How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would
be a good idea to put wheels on bigger suitcases ?


Why is it that people say they "slept like a baby" when babies wake
up every two hours?


If a deaf person has to go to court, is it still called a hearing?


Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in
binoculars to look at things on the ground?


Why do doctors, when they ask you to strip, leave the room or close
the cubicle curtain while you change? ..... They're still going to
see you naked anyway
Inspector

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limbo
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Post by limbo » Tue Mar 22, 2005 3:06 pm

if teflon doesnt stiick to anything... how do they make it stay a non-stick frypan.

if 7/11 are open 24 hours a day... why do they have locks on the doors.

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Post by Riven » Tue Mar 22, 2005 4:53 pm

_b
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Trooper
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Post by Trooper » Tue Mar 22, 2005 6:28 pm

O_o
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"To do something well is so worthwhile that to die trying to do it better cannot be foolhardy. It would be a waste of life to do nothing with one's ability, for I feel that life is measured in achievement, not in years alone."
- Bruce McLaren

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Post by Inspector » Wed Mar 23, 2005 9:53 am

The questions below about Oz, are from potential visitors.
They were posted on an Australian Tourism Website and the answers are the actual responses by the website officials.

Q: Does it ever get windy in Australia? I have never seen it rain on TV, how do the plants grow? (UK).
A: We import all plants fully grown and then just sit around watching them die.

Q: Will I be able to see kangaroos in the street? (USA)
A: Depends how much you've been drinking.

Q: I want to walk from Perth to Sydney - can I follow the railroad tracks? (Sweden)
A: Sure, it's only three thousand miles, take lots of water.

Q: Is it safe to run around in the bushes in Australia? (Sweden)
A: So it's true what they say about Swedes.

Q: Are there any ATMs (cash machines) in Australia? Can you send me a list of them in Brisbane, Cairns, Townsville and Hervey Bay? (UK)
A: What did your last slave die of?

Q: Can you give me some information about hippo racing in Australia?
(USA)
A: A-fri-ca is the big triangle shaped continent south of Europe. Aus-tra-lia is that big island in the middle of the Pacific which does not... oh forget it. Sure, the hippo racing is every tuesday night in Kings Cross. Come naked.

Q: Which direction is North in Australia? (USA)
A: Face south and then turn 180 degrees. Contact us when you get here and we'll send the rest of the directions.

Q: Can I bring cutlery into Australia? (UK)
A: Why? Just use your fingers like we do.

Q: Can you send me the Vienna Boys' Choir schedule? (USA)
A: Aus-tri-a is that quaint little country bordering Ger-man-y, which is...oh forget it. Sure, the Vienna Boys Choir plays every Tuesday night in Kings Cross, straight after the hippo races. Come naked.

Q: Can I wear high heels in Australia? ( UK)
A: You are a British politician, right?

Q: Are there supermarkets in Sydney and is milk available all year round? (Germany)
A: No, we are a peaceful civilization of vegan hunter/gatherers. Milk is illegal.

Q: Please send a list of all doctors in Australia who can dispense rattlesnake serum. (USA)
A: Rattlesnakes live in A-meri-ca which is where YOU come from. All Australian snakes are perfectly harmless, can be safely handled and make good pets.

Q: I have a question about a famous animal in Australia, but I forget its name. It's a kind of bear and lives in trees. (USA)
A: It's called a Drop Bear. They are so called because they drop out of Gum trees and eat the brains of anyone walking underneath them. You can scare them off by spraying yourself with human urine before you go out walking.

Q: Do you have perfume in Australia? (France)
A: No, WE don't stink.

Q: I have developed a new product that is the fountain of youth. Can you tell me where I can sell it in Australia? (USA)
A: Anywhere significant numbers of Americans gather.

Q: Can you tell me the regions in Tasmania where the female population is smaller than the male population? (Italy)
A: Yes, gay nightclubs.

Q: Do you celebrate Christmas in Australia? (France)
A: Only at Christmas.

Q: I was in Australia in 1969 on R+R, and I want to contact the girl I dated while I was staying in Kings Cross. Can you help? (USA)
A: Yes, and you will still have to pay her by the hour.

Q: Will I be able to speak English most places I go? (USA)
A: Yes, but you'll have to learn it first
Inspector

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